About Alice...

I realize my last blog post was to announce Alice's graduation last year, but that girl has been on my mind a lot recently so I thought I'd devote another blog post to her. She has started her own blog recently so she kind of inspired me.

Plus, she is getting ready to leave soon to begin her second year at Brigham Young University. It's crazy how time flies. It seems like just a few weeks ago she came home for the summer. It also seems like she just graduated high school, or started high school, and sometimes it seems just like a couple of years ago she was born. Yet, it also seems so long ago...

On that note, I'm going to get a little nostalgic and reminiscent. I promise I am not going to get all gushy and heaven-forbid, sappy.

Alice's birth was definitely not planned. As a matter of fact, only the first and third of our five children were actually sort of "planned." With the rest, my reaction was either one of shock, apprehension or else I was downright upset. But, that was only at first.

Alice was an example of what happens when birth control fails. I was beyond shocked. I wasn't ready for a baby, I already had a baby! Adam was only about 7 months old when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, I even thought Alice was a miscarriage, but I can still see the ultrasound confirming that there indeed was a growing fetus inside of me. All that could be seen at that point of the pregnancy was the tiny flutter of the heart. The technician at the time thought it was amazing and was marveling at what a miracle it was that we could see it so early. She was getting downright giddy and excited. Me however, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. I was not happy.

But, the Lord in his infinite wisdom knew what He was doing when He sent Alice when He did.

I have always said that out of all my children, Alice has been the easiest. Looking back, I definitely have to say that is true. Now lest any of my other children should become jealous by my saying that, I said she was easier, not better. There's a difference. Each child brings to a family his or own set of blessings and challenges. So, I'm not playing favorites. (I had to stop and put that disclaimer in). That's not to say Alice has never given us any problems. Come on, let's face it, no kid is perfect. Please.

Anyway like I said, Alice as always been an easy-going child. Even from the get go. My pregnancy with her was the easiest of all of my pregnancies, even my labor and delivery with her was the easiest and the shortest--and as I recall, the least painful. And that was without the benefit of the epidural! She arrived 20 minutes after it was given. She even arrived on her due date. Most babies don't. She was even the easiest to potty-train. She slept through the night the earliest--five weeks old. Yes, really. However, she wasn't the first to walk, Leslie holds that title. She was also the only one of our children whom we didn't know the gender before she was born. She was a surprise. Come to think of it, she has been full of a lot of surprises actually.

We didn't know at the time she was born the challenges we would face with our oldest son Adam. We didn't know that he would never grow and progress the same way other children do. We didn't know he would never learn to speak. I think Alice came along to help buffer that blow. She showed us what a normal developing baby is supposed to be like and I was very grateful for that. She is sensitive to Adam's needs and I have always said that if Adam were normal, he and Alice would be good friends. Of course he gets on her nerves and she gets annoyed with him sometimes, but she will defend him and she accepts him for who he is.

I believe Alice was born with an old soul. One could almost see it in her when she was a baby. She would study people. My mother in law used to call her "Sober Solomon" because she would stare people down. It wasn't easy to get her to crack a smile. She would go to anybody and let anybody hold her and she wouldn't cry, but she would look at you as if she were sizing you up. As if she were thinking to herself: "Are you an ok person? Are you worthy of receiving my affection?" Literally.
She was like a little adult in a child's body. Even when she went through the phase when she was around two when she called her Daddy by his first name. I'm sure in her little mind, it was quite practical to call him Joel. After all, Mommy called him Joel.

I've always felt and it has become increasingly apparent in recent years that Alice is wise beyond her years. I am suddenly reminded of a quote from the fourth Harry Potter book where Dumbledore is telling Harry: "There will come a time where we all must choose between what is right and what is easy." I think that aptly describes Alice. She has always chosen righteous paths, even when it wasn't a popular one or an easy one. She has never been the type of person who "goes with the crowd." If that made her stand out as a "weirdo" or "strange" she didn't care. Or at least if she did care, not enough to change her decision. She would just accept what people thought. She has been wise enough to know that what other people think about you doesn't really matter in the long run. Maybe that's why her first sentence was: "I don't THINK so." :)

Alice is passionate about issues that most people her age don't give much thought to. Even most older adults for that matter. When given the challenge she will truly "Stand as a witness at all times, and in all places."

I have felt badly that even though she is not the oldest child in the family she has had to take on the role of the oldest child. It was thrust upon her. Which is why I said the Lord sent her when He did for a reason. He knew we would need a child who would be able to step up to the plate and take on the challenges she has had to face. Each member of a family has his or her own role to play whether they're the youngest, the oldest or in the middle and each is hard for different reasons. Over the years though, Alice has at times almost needed to play the part of a third parent just because of the trials that have been thrown in our path. I have felt guilty that she has had to be put in that position, but unfortunately it was out of necessity. I'm sure it has been hard for her, but she accepted it without question. She never complained that she had to do this or that or that it "wasn't fair." I have never heard Alice utter the words: "It isn't fair." She may have thought them from one time or another, it is only human nature. But, she had the presence of mind and compassion to never say them around us. I don't think she will ever know how much that means to me or how much more I respect I have for her because of that. Even I have uttered those words from time to time, just because life for our family has been difficult over the years.
Alice has suffered alot of adversity in her lifetime, but she has faced those issues bravely and head-on and I know she will be able to overcome anything that comes her way. Even one of her doctors has described her on a couple of occasions as "one tough cookie." Those trials only made her stronger.

Alice is talented and beautiful. She may not have the striking, drop-dead gorgeous good looks her sister Leslie is developing, hers is a different kind of beauty. The kind that comes with within. She has an inner strength about her that shows in her character. People recognize that and have said as much to me.

I have found myself being very reflective about Alice and her life as she prepares to return for school. I have come to realize that she has truly made the transformation into adulthood. (Yeah, it took me long enough to figure that out). Well, actually I already knew it but it never quite hit me as hard as it has recently.
She is forging her own path in this life and preparing for her future. We, as her parents have done what we could to raise her and guide her in the right direction. However, she has reached the point where she has taken control of the reigns and she is making choices for herself. I'm not quite sure when it happened either. It was a gradual process. She still consults us and asks our opinion or mentions what she's thinking about doing, and we give her our counsel, but when all is said and done, she has learned to make the decisions on her own. That is as it should be.

I will miss her of course. Terribly. I will miss seeing her and hearing her voice every day. I will miss enjoying her sense of humor on a daily basis and hearing her laugh. I will miss our talks. I will miss watching The Office on Tuesday nights with her (that sort of became our "thing" this summer). I will miss hearing her call her little sister Miranda "Boo Boo." I will miss telling her to get up out of bed in the mornings way past the time everybody should be up. (Yes, she IS still a teenager and I am STILL her mother so I feel perfectly justified in nagging her about it). I will miss seeing her take time to play playstation with Caleb and trying hard to give him instructions on how to play it properly. I will miss hearing her bicker with her sister Leslie. I will just plain miss her. But, she is moving on with her life and I knew that she was only going to be home for a short while. It's just a hard pill to swallow and all parents have to face this sooner or later and I will just have to find a way to let her go. It has also dawned on me that I will have to go through this again when my other kids leave home. You'd think I would have already known that, but apparently not. Oh Lord, give me strength.

Of course, I could be like Bill Cosby and say: "We have five children, and we want them out of the house before we die!"

I am pleased and proud at the young woman Alice has become. I'd like to think I had a little something to do with that. She touches everyone she comes into contact with in one form or another. She makes an impact and she has made a tremendous impact on my life. From the moment I saw that little tiny heart fluttering on the ultrasound and that little heart found its way into mine and captured it forever.