Yes, this blog post is about Gratitude. That simple, yet sometimes not so simple virtue and attribute that all of us need to possess in our lives.
I pondered what I was going to say for awhile and after listening to President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's incredible talk on gratitude in April's LDS General Conference I really wondered what else there was to say. Technically all I need to do is re-post his talk here and say 'nuff said! It was powerful.
He talked of not just being grateful for our blessings, but to be grateful in our circumstances, because oftentimes life isn't a bed of roses and we suffer from what seems to be an endless supply of trials. I appreciated that perspective because I think we have been conditioned to believe that we need only express gratitude when things are going well or when we can produce a bucket list of things to be grateful for. Then when adversity hits we feel overwhelmed and wonder why we are having to go through what we're going through.
I think we do ourselves a huge disservice by not appreciating what we have during times of trial and tribulation. I learned a long time ago that the only real way I have been able to get through the hard times is to be grateful for what I do have. There is always something to be grateful for. Always.
President Uchtdorf made this profound statement:
"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow
before thanking God that there is rain?"
Should we really be thankful for our trials? What kind of concept is that?? Quite frankly most people would say they would rather not have to endure the trials they've been dealt with. I can certainly attest to that. But, I can also say that during the times where I have felt completely lost and often alone and where I have felt like sorrow was going to swallow me whole, I have also felt strengthened.
It is during those moments where I have felt the closest to my Father in heaven and I have felt His loving arms around me. He has always been there to lift me up, whether I have realized it or not. Maybe it is during those challenging moments when we need to wonder if there is something that we are meant to learn from the trial. It isn't necessarily obvious right away.
I want to share a few experiences that have recently helped strengthen my belief in what a wonderful thing gratitude is.
I posted this on Facebook awhile ago but I want to share it again here. A few months ago my daughter Leslie participated in the Hoops For The Cure game with her high school basketball team. The game meant everything to her because she wanted to play in it to honor her Aunt Lynn who passed away on Easter of last year. Lynn had breast cancer that had ultimately metastasized to her brain. It was toward the end of the season and it was the first game Leslie was able to participate in for various reasons. She faithfully attended almost every practice she could though knowing she wouldn't be playing in the games. She pushed herself and worked hard just so she could play this one time.
She ended up playing the best game she has ever played and she played ALOT. We thought she'd only get to play maybe a few minutes. Leslie tends to be very aggressive when she plays and so I won't mention how many times she got injured during it and I cringed every time she did, but she kept on playing.
At the end of the evening she counted up how many bruises she had on her, and let's just say that between the actual game and the practices of the week that lead up to it, she had quite a few. It was almost comical. But, you know what? She was grateful for every one of those bruises. She wouldn't have traded that experience for anything. Leslie was grateful to play for a cause that meant something to her. As I said, she was playing for her Aunt Lynn, because she knew Lynn was there in spirit cheering her on. She also played for a physician we know who battled breast cancer a few months behind Lynn's battle with breast cancer. It hit close to home. For my daughter to be able to play in a game for such a cause was emotional for both of us, but it was extremely empowering for Leslie and life-affirming.
Some might wonder why she would knock herself out and work so hard for just one game, but when we have a goal to shoot for it makes all the pain and grief bearable and helps us to know that there is a purpose to everything. I don't think I have ever been more proud of Leslie. I was grateful she was able to play. We were grateful to her coaches for being kind of enough to let her play (because they didn't have to). I was grateful I was able to attend her game and I was grateful to the person who worked for me that evening so I was able to attend.
A few years ago a gentlemen in our church gave a talk on gratitude and I remember him telling a story about how he was sitting in a fast food restaurant one time and he overheard a conversation between some teenage boys. The one boy was talking about how his parents had given him a car for his birthday and he was complaining about it. There had been a specific kind of car that he had asked for and he was complaining that his parents were upset that he wasn't "grateful" for the car that they gave him. The boy said to his friends: "Why should I be grateful when it isn't what I wanted?
Forget the fact at how infuriating that is to me and had I been sitting there it would have been hard t o resist the urge to turn around and smack the kid upside the head and say: "Boy, what is wrong with you??" I think it is sad and pathetic that it appears we live in an age where most children are not being taught what true, deep, humble gratitude is. We live in an age where there is a sense of entitlement. Too many people believe they are entitled to get whatever they want, when they want it and if anything goes wrong in their lives they want to look for someone to blame. Why can't we be grateful for what we have and be grateful in our circumstances?
My daughter Alice had a singular experience this week. I got a random text from her that said: "Oh my gosh, it's really happening I'm giving blood." She had told me she was going to try to do it earlier that day. Now you might wonder why that was a big deal to her but Alice has wanted to be able to donate blood for years. She's always been denied being allowed to do it because either she hasn't weighed enough, or her iron levels were too low or else she had other health issues going on. She barely made the weight requirement, but she did it. She was ecstatic. She even posted about the experience on Facebook. One friend even said: "Never have I ever seen anyone so excited to give away their blood." I wouldn't doubt that's probably true. Alice was downright giddy about it.
A few years ago a gentlemen in our church gave a talk on gratitude and I remember him telling a story about how he was sitting in a fast food restaurant one time and he overheard a conversation between some teenage boys. The one boy was talking about how his parents had given him a car for his birthday and he was complaining about it. There had been a specific kind of car that he had asked for and he was complaining that his parents were upset that he wasn't "grateful" for the car that they gave him. The boy said to his friends: "Why should I be grateful when it isn't what I wanted?
Forget the fact at how infuriating that is to me and had I been sitting there it would have been hard t o resist the urge to turn around and smack the kid upside the head and say: "Boy, what is wrong with you??" I think it is sad and pathetic that it appears we live in an age where most children are not being taught what true, deep, humble gratitude is. We live in an age where there is a sense of entitlement. Too many people believe they are entitled to get whatever they want, when they want it and if anything goes wrong in their lives they want to look for someone to blame. Why can't we be grateful for what we have and be grateful in our circumstances?
My daughter Alice had a singular experience this week. I got a random text from her that said: "Oh my gosh, it's really happening I'm giving blood." She had told me she was going to try to do it earlier that day. Now you might wonder why that was a big deal to her but Alice has wanted to be able to donate blood for years. She's always been denied being allowed to do it because either she hasn't weighed enough, or her iron levels were too low or else she had other health issues going on. She barely made the weight requirement, but she did it. She was ecstatic. She even posted about the experience on Facebook. One friend even said: "Never have I ever seen anyone so excited to give away their blood." I wouldn't doubt that's probably true. Alice was downright giddy about it.
She was deeply grateful for the opportunity to provide this service. Like Leslie, it meant something to her. After I received her text, I texted her back and asked: "Why have you wanted to give blood so badly?"
"Because."
Me: "Because why?"
"I dunno, because it's a good thing to do and something to check off my bucket list. And it means I'm not THAT tiny."
Me: "You've never been able to donate before have you?"
"Nope. And now I have and it is glorious."
Glorious. Her use of that word struck me. Some people probably wouldn't choose to use that word to describe donating blood, but for Alice it meant she was able to achieve a goal she had set for herself, just as Leslie was able to achieve her goal. Alice wanted to give of herself (literally) for something she felt was important and she was thankful she could.
She told me later that after her Facebook post she got a message from a friend who questioned why she was so happy about the experience. This person didn't understand what the big deal was. She lamented to Alice about how painful the procedure was and how it was a miserable experience for the person donating the blood and that the person receiving the blood hates it too. Why in the world would Alice be excited about it?
We both felt sad for this person because I don't think she's ever been in a position to understand the concept of gratitude or service. She has had a rough life and has had serious medical issues. Perhaps if she had ever been taught the meaning and purpose of gratitude, her outlook would be different. Is donating blood sometimes a not so pleasant experience? Sure, and usually the person who is receiving the blood isn't in the best condition in the first place, but consider the alternative.
A couple of months ago I lost my job of 10 years. It was devastating because I enjoyed that job, I was good at it and it was completely unexpected and unjustified. However, it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me. I discovered that it opened the way to allow me to spend more time with my children. I didn't realize how much they needed me home before. It seemed as though I was living for my work rather than living for my family. My children are happy to have me home with them more. I also didn't realize just how much that particular working environment wasn't good for me until I wasn't in it anymore.
We both felt sad for this person because I don't think she's ever been in a position to understand the concept of gratitude or service. She has had a rough life and has had serious medical issues. Perhaps if she had ever been taught the meaning and purpose of gratitude, her outlook would be different. Is donating blood sometimes a not so pleasant experience? Sure, and usually the person who is receiving the blood isn't in the best condition in the first place, but consider the alternative.
A couple of months ago I lost my job of 10 years. It was devastating because I enjoyed that job, I was good at it and it was completely unexpected and unjustified. However, it ended up being the best thing that could have happened to me. I discovered that it opened the way to allow me to spend more time with my children. I didn't realize how much they needed me home before. It seemed as though I was living for my work rather than living for my family. My children are happy to have me home with them more. I also didn't realize just how much that particular working environment wasn't good for me until I wasn't in it anymore.
A couple of weeks after I lost the job I had the chance to sit with a little boy with special needs in the hospital for a few hours. He was in the hospital because he had surgery and refused to eat or drink anything and was dehydrated. His poor mother was in the ER with yet another sick child. Anybody who knows our family well enough knows that unfortunately I am an expert at sitting in the hospital with a sick child. I have had more than enough practice doing it, and this mom certainly knew that. It is hard and it is exhausting. (You wouldn't think so, but it is. Trust me.)
Sitting with this little boy reminded me of sitting with Adam in the hospital, because this child has behaviors similar to Adam's. It isn't easy trying to keep them from pulling out their IV's, keeping them occupied, keeping them still. Somehow I developed a special rapport with this boy though. I got him to drink the first fluids he had orally in several days and he even took a bite of food for me. It made me so happy. The two of us had fun together. I got him to smile and laugh. I think he enjoyed his time with me too because he has sought me out twice now at church and has sat with me when before he didn't even know I existed.
Sitting with this little boy reminded me of sitting with Adam in the hospital, because this child has behaviors similar to Adam's. It isn't easy trying to keep them from pulling out their IV's, keeping them occupied, keeping them still. Somehow I developed a special rapport with this boy though. I got him to drink the first fluids he had orally in several days and he even took a bite of food for me. It made me so happy. The two of us had fun together. I got him to smile and laugh. I think he enjoyed his time with me too because he has sought me out twice now at church and has sat with me when before he didn't even know I existed.
I will always be incredibly thankful for that experience. I was going through a difficult time in my life and for a few hours I was able to forget my own troubles and focus on a child who needed help and I helped him briefly forget he was stuck in the hospital. I even told his mother I called him my good luck charm. It was while sitting with him that I received a call for a job interview and ultimately the job I have now.
Am I still sad and upset over the loss of my job? Yeah, sometimes. It will take awhile to get over it. But, all I have to do is remember how even during this difficult trial, I have been tremendously blessed. I am blessed that I no longer have to work full time and I obtained a new job within a month of losing my old one. My family was blessed that when I lost my health insurance Joel was able to obtain health insurance through his work. I was blessed that I was offered a job that allows me to be home when my children are home and I will never have to work evenings and weekends. I was blessed that I had opportunities to provide service that I would not have been able to provide had I been still working where I was. I was blessed to have the love and support offered to me by family and friends and for a loving, compassionate, understanding husband. All of these blessings I am eternally grateful for. I can literally name all the blessings I have been given, one by one.
Isn't it interesting how much joy providing service can bring? It is so much easier to get through the crazy, troubling, insane problems in our lives when we lose ourselves in service. By so doing it is easier to feel gratitude. It is easier to gain perspective on what matters and what is important. Sometimes when we are so wrapped up in the challenges of life it is difficult to find the strength to be thankful for anything. Quite simply, sometimes we don't understand why we are going through what it is we're going through. Why should we be grateful? Exactly what do we have to be grateful for?
President Uchtdorf also talked about how gratitude is an act of faith. It is difficult to put our faith in the Lord when the world seems to be closing in on us and sometimes all we have left to do is have faith. He says: "Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see which are true... True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."
I mentioned my sister-in-law Lynn earlier. I was reading some of her old blog posts that chronicled her battle with cancer. Despite all that she went through she still managed to find reasons to be grateful and she expressed her gratitude frequently in her blog posts. I also remember her expressing some of her thoughts to me personally. This is a quote from one of her blog entries.
December 4, 2012
Although this has been by far the hardest year of my life I feel grateful for so many things. I hope that I can move forward continuing to see the good and not the bad. Early this year I told Dr. Lilly that I wouldn't mind taking Versed (a drug they use to sedate you and also give you amnesia) so I could forget the whole year. Dr. Lilly's response was "Think about all of the good things you would have missed." At the time I thought "Think about all the bad I wouldn't remember." Dr. Lilly was right. There has been so much good about this year along with the bad memories. Most of my year has been filled with love and support from my family and friends. So many people have helped me through the tough times. I never felt like I was alone fighting cancer and for that I thank God for the people he has placed in my life.
One might wonder why she felt compelled to be grateful. She had recently finished her treatment for breast cancer only to discover she now had brain cancer and was having to going through the whole process over again.
Lynn's doctor was right. If we only concentrate on the negative there is so much good in life that we can miss. I think about Lynn's situation and then I think about Alice's friends' situation and there is such a stark contrast. At some point Lynn knew she wasn't going to live, but she still managed to find a little joy in her life. She was still thankful for all that she was given. Her death brought much sadness, yet there are so many people who are truly grateful that she touched their lives. The sadness I feel about Alice's friends' situation is different. It is an empty sadness. This girl doesn't realize what joy there is to be found. It appears to me she does not see a reason to feel gratitude for much of anything. To me, that is a great tragedy. She is without hope and without hope one can't help but feel lost. We have the promise from our Heavenly Father that says that we are not, and never need be alone.
In that same blog entry, Lynn posted this quote:
IN THE HAPPY
MOMENTS
PRAISE GOD. IN
THE DIFFICULT
MOMENTS SEEK
GOD. IN THE
QUIET MOMENTS
TRUST GOD. IN
EVERY MOMENT
THANK GOD.
Isn't that basically the secret to experiencing true gratitude and ultimately finding true joy? Our Savior Jesus Christ is there to lift us and to carry us through the most challenging of circumstances. How do we come to know that the Lord is there and that we will never be alone?
Gratitude. It is through faith and gratitude that I have learned that the Lord is there make our burdens lighter. He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to give thanks in every way and in every thing.
We don't need to necessarily count every blessing one by one, although I have found it is helpful to me personally. We just need to give thanks, during the good times and during times of adversity.
I mentioned earlier that Alice used the word glorious. President Uchtdorf also said this:
THOSE THAT ARE GRATEFUL WILL BE MADE GLORIOUS
"How blessed we are if we recognize God's handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God's creations. Gratitude is the catalyst to all Christlike attributes! A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues."
A grateful, thankful heart truly is a virtue. How blessed is the person who is possesses it. I personally want to be that person. It would not have been possible for me to have gone through all that I have in my life were it not for the gratitude that I have felt.
I am reminded of a little story my mother-in-law told me many years ago. At the time she was starting to experience quite a few health problems and complications associated with diabetes and she mentioned a woman from our church. This woman was old and had also experienced many health issues, most of which probably had to do with old age. But instead of complaining this sweet woman just said: "I'm grateful that wrinkles don't hurt."
That was a powerful lesson for me, one that I have never forgotten. It was this simple example that taught me that no matter what we're going through, no matter what the challenges, adversity, trials, tribulations that can grip the very depths of our soul, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for... Always. :)
President Uchtdorf also talked about how gratitude is an act of faith. It is difficult to put our faith in the Lord when the world seems to be closing in on us and sometimes all we have left to do is have faith. He says: "Being grateful in our circumstances is an act of faith in God. It requires that we trust God and hope for things we may not see which are true... True gratitude is an expression of hope and testimony. It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."
I mentioned my sister-in-law Lynn earlier. I was reading some of her old blog posts that chronicled her battle with cancer. Despite all that she went through she still managed to find reasons to be grateful and she expressed her gratitude frequently in her blog posts. I also remember her expressing some of her thoughts to me personally. This is a quote from one of her blog entries.
December 4, 2012
Although this has been by far the hardest year of my life I feel grateful for so many things. I hope that I can move forward continuing to see the good and not the bad. Early this year I told Dr. Lilly that I wouldn't mind taking Versed (a drug they use to sedate you and also give you amnesia) so I could forget the whole year. Dr. Lilly's response was "Think about all of the good things you would have missed." At the time I thought "Think about all the bad I wouldn't remember." Dr. Lilly was right. There has been so much good about this year along with the bad memories. Most of my year has been filled with love and support from my family and friends. So many people have helped me through the tough times. I never felt like I was alone fighting cancer and for that I thank God for the people he has placed in my life.
One might wonder why she felt compelled to be grateful. She had recently finished her treatment for breast cancer only to discover she now had brain cancer and was having to going through the whole process over again.
Lynn's doctor was right. If we only concentrate on the negative there is so much good in life that we can miss. I think about Lynn's situation and then I think about Alice's friends' situation and there is such a stark contrast. At some point Lynn knew she wasn't going to live, but she still managed to find a little joy in her life. She was still thankful for all that she was given. Her death brought much sadness, yet there are so many people who are truly grateful that she touched their lives. The sadness I feel about Alice's friends' situation is different. It is an empty sadness. This girl doesn't realize what joy there is to be found. It appears to me she does not see a reason to feel gratitude for much of anything. To me, that is a great tragedy. She is without hope and without hope one can't help but feel lost. We have the promise from our Heavenly Father that says that we are not, and never need be alone.
In that same blog entry, Lynn posted this quote:
IN THE HAPPY
MOMENTS
PRAISE GOD. IN
THE DIFFICULT
MOMENTS SEEK
GOD. IN THE
QUIET MOMENTS
TRUST GOD. IN
EVERY MOMENT
THANK GOD.
Isn't that basically the secret to experiencing true gratitude and ultimately finding true joy? Our Savior Jesus Christ is there to lift us and to carry us through the most challenging of circumstances. How do we come to know that the Lord is there and that we will never be alone?
Gratitude. It is through faith and gratitude that I have learned that the Lord is there make our burdens lighter. He wants us to come to Him. He wants us to give thanks in every way and in every thing.
We don't need to necessarily count every blessing one by one, although I have found it is helpful to me personally. We just need to give thanks, during the good times and during times of adversity.
I mentioned earlier that Alice used the word glorious. President Uchtdorf also said this:
THOSE THAT ARE GRATEFUL WILL BE MADE GLORIOUS
"How blessed we are if we recognize God's handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens our perception and clears our vision. It inspires humility and fosters empathy toward our fellowmen and all of God's creations. Gratitude is the catalyst to all Christlike attributes! A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues."
A grateful, thankful heart truly is a virtue. How blessed is the person who is possesses it. I personally want to be that person. It would not have been possible for me to have gone through all that I have in my life were it not for the gratitude that I have felt.
I am reminded of a little story my mother-in-law told me many years ago. At the time she was starting to experience quite a few health problems and complications associated with diabetes and she mentioned a woman from our church. This woman was old and had also experienced many health issues, most of which probably had to do with old age. But instead of complaining this sweet woman just said: "I'm grateful that wrinkles don't hurt."
That was a powerful lesson for me, one that I have never forgotten. It was this simple example that taught me that no matter what we're going through, no matter what the challenges, adversity, trials, tribulations that can grip the very depths of our soul, there is ALWAYS something to be grateful for... Always. :)
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